How to find out your gay

by Fred Penzel, PhD

This article was initially published in the Winter 2007 edition of the OCD Newsletter.

OCD, as we know, is largely about experiencing severe and unrelenting doubt. It can cause you to doubt even the most basic things about yourself – even your sexual orientation. A 1998 study published in the Journal of Sex Explore found that among a group of 171 college students, 84% reported the occurrence of sexual intrusive thoughts (Byers, et al. 1998). In order to include doubts about one’s sexual identity, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. I have observed this symptom in young children, adolescents, and adults as well. Interestingly Swedo, et al., 1989, found that approximately 4% of children with OCD experience obsessions concerned with forbidden aggressive or perverse sexual thoughts.

Although doubts about one’s own sexual identity might seem pretty straightforward as a symptom, there are actually a number of variations. The most obvious form is where a sufferer experiences the

How to Cope When Your Spouse Comes Out as Gay

People change. People accept longer to find themselves. Life will always throw you curveballs you never saw coming. Finding out your partner is gay or queer is one of these complicated situations that are both positive on certain levels and devastating on others. It's a lot to unpack.

You may have had your suspicions your partner was somewhere on the Kinsey Scale—lots of people are bisexual or bicurious in heterosexual relationships and these relationships are still strong. It's not until your partner tells you directly that they are gay—as in they've realized they are more attracted to the same sex than the adj sex—that you might be facing a significant challenge.

You'll inevitably be left with questions about your future, the future of your marriage, and how your relationship with your partner will change. This is a delicate and complicated situation but you will get through it. The key is to point on understanding and accepting your partner for who they are now and finding the top path towards restoring happine

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How Do I Know If I Am Gay? Signs You Are Gay

Particularly when young, some people may ask, "How do I know if I am gay?" if they have conflicting sexual feelings. When it comes down to it, there is no reliable "Am I Gay test", so the only way to know that you are gay (definition of gay) is to look within yourself to resolve your own thoughts and feelings towards others of the adj sex. You might also yearn to consider the possibility that you are neither gay nor straight and are bisexual or just curious.

There are also signs that you might be gay to consider.

Signs You Are Gay

There is no one way that gay people act or see – gay people are just as diverse as straight people. Just because you are a man who is effeminate or a woman who is boyish, that does not mean that you're necessarily gay. So don't fall into the trap of thinking that your clothes, hair or attitude determines your sexuality.

When looking at the signs you are gay, you might desire to ask yourself these questions:¹

Have I ever been sexually attracted to the same sex?
Do I feel strong emotional bonds to